Every day is a new adventure. Some days better than others, but at the end of the day… It’s just me and my crazy thoughts spiraling on my pillowcase. I spend hours pondering the most simple things. I debate with myself, I play back memories over and over again until it makes me even more confused than before. I get advice from people all the time, trying to help me with my own personal battles or situations, but two of things happen. I either ignore everything said and just keep focusing on my feelings, or I give into this new idea thinking it could be a new opportunity. To be honest, It’s hard for me to say no, only because I feel the need to constantly please people. This is something I need to work on. Not everyone can get their way, and it’s not my job to try and make that happen. I do admit, sometimes I’ve cut myself short… but the one time I tried to give myself more… I realized I bit off more than I could chew, and it was too late. I set myself up for failure with a situation that I thought would please me. No. It spiraled my own life out of control… my thoughts in a whirl. Now… I don’t know how to change. Do I keep trying to please? Do I become selfish? I always end up making it worse for myself. I feel like my life is on pause, and I can’t trust anyone. I just have my own thoughts, my own feelings trapped in this body. I can’t act yet… not yet. I feel like I just have to keep waiting. I’m constantly waiting. In the end, all I really have is myself.
Goodness… one second I think I have my mind made up. I think I know exactly what I want. Then all of a sudden everything changes and you have to adjust and learn to love your new reality. I can say this year has challenged me more than any other year. I’ve had to deal with so many different situations. This is good and bad. This is good because I can get stronger from these low moments in life. You need to hit lows to be able to hit highs. Just make sure not to lose yourself through the lows. Continue to love and nurture yourself, as well as make mistakes and learn. Take everything that life brings you and try to find the benefit to it. Everything affects everything… You may not realize it now, but that tiny choice will affect your whole outcome. So try every day to find the beautiful things in life that will make you smile. Sometimes you feel like there’s nothing left to do but cry and give up… false. You can cry and have self pity, but you have got to pull through in the end and realize what you have. Realize that there are other things to be grateful for. Find that support system.. whether it’s your religion, sport, or family! Find the place that makes you feel loved. Look at your life and love what you have. Just love what life brings you.
This past year has been the most eventful year of my life. Now I could change the wording of that and say most stressful year, the worst/ best year, or my year of experimenting. I’m choosing to say eventful. The thing is, every second of your life affects what will happen the next second. This year I was definitely aware of this. The beginning of 2016 started off with me crushing on one certain boy that I couldn’t have… yet a series of events led to us finally being together. That summer led into my most happiest state of mind. I had never been so full of joy in my life! Everything seemed to be going perfect and I was having so much fun in my drama class and life was just in it’s prime. 2nd Semester things started to change… people change and feelings change. My “significant”other was no longer bringing the same joy into my life. As everyone says when a door closes a window opens. This immediately happened. I was meeting new people and starting to open my mind to realize why dwell in disappointment when I can advance into a new adventure of happiness? That’s exactly what I did. A certain boy really caught my attention, having so much in common was a plus! Making me laugh everyday was a SUPER plus! So everything affects everything. I would never be at this state of life right now if it weren’t for the previous breakup etc. I also learned not to be so dependent on other people to bring you happiness… I mean, yes It’s good to find joy in other people, but I’m learning to find joy in myself and doing things that make me feel good. I can say I really love my life, I love myself, and I love the people I’ve surrounded myself with. One of my new goals is to try and meet a new person every week. Every person has a story and you never know when someone is having a bad day. By going up to them and just starting a random conversation could change their whole day. That person could find joy in you. That’s why I personally love always having a positive attitude, so that other people can find joy in me. We can all feed off each others love and positive attitudes to create happiness. To create the world I want to live in.
My religion is Christianity, and It’s something I’m very proud of. Religion has been in my life since birth. I grew up in a Methodist church practically all my life. I understood what was being taught to me, and I never questioned it. It’s just something that stuck with me. I never really strengthened my faith until about 3rd grade. I heard about this church camp that a bunch of kids from my church went to called, Wrightwood. It was a cute place in the mountains. The first year I went, I was going into 4th grade, that summer. Let me just say, that was the most life changing week, I instantly made friends, memories, and felt like I grew closer to God. From that moment on I knew I belonged there. I’ve been going to that camp every summer since then, this year it will be 8 years of going. Every summer I learn something knew. We sing the most fun camp songs, and have the silliest traditions! We have heart to heart conversations we do stations that make you question your own religion and faith, and we have these fun debates that question the Bible. Does Hell exist? What’s free will? These kind of debates make you think so hard and really find the root of your faith. I’ve made some of the greatest friends at this church camp. My best friend Brooke has been there with me since day one, I love her so much and we would always make dance routines and perform them in the camp Talent show, some of my greatest memories are with her. The funny thing is, my two friends Peyton and Zac I’ve been with for 2 summers… so in reality I’ve spent two weeks out if my entire life with them, yet those weeks are equivalent to a lifetime. I have such a special bond with my camp friends that is like no other bond. Another amazing bond I have is with my camp counselor Brad. He makes camp 10 times more fun and not only is he my counselor but he is literally one of my best friends! I met him my first summer when I was an itty bitty 3rd grader, and now I’m in high school and just growing up and knowing him on more of a friend level is so cool! Another inspiration is my counselor Broghan who is always challenging my knowledge… teaching me and guiding me. She is such an incredible thinker and is constantly blowing my mind! Her bible stories are the greatest and I could just listen to her talking about the Bible and religion for hours! She is one of the most inspirational people I know, and has taught me so much I can’t say thanks enough. Nothing can compare to this special life changing camp. Without Wrightwood, I don’t know where I would be today.
My most favorite thing to do is to be creative with all my friends. We love to have sleepovers and stay up late taking tons of pictures! We have homemade photoshoots and it is so much fun. I remember ever since 6th grade we would have the most crazy photoshoots, we would wonder to the park and dress up all fancy. Those are some of the greatest memories I have. Pictures are beautiful and can have a lot of meaning behind them. That’s why I love photography. Try it sometime! Just grab a camera and your imagination can take you anywhere 🙂